The Pecking Order

Category C: Highly Commended (2024) Monash Short Story Writing Competition
Author: Edward Roebuck-Jones

“I.. I… I overslept,” I stammered out, mouth dry, looking at the ground. The noisy miner perched in front of me turned its head to give me a proper look. My morning had been awful; I accidentally set my alarm to go off at nine… pm. Purrsival had to wake me up, yowling “wake up Reggie'' his morning breath hot and fishy. I was dreading work, a busy shift was looming, so I quickly threw my uniform on and dashed out the door. I didn't have time to make lunch today, so I was going to have to buy it. This was my first mistake

“So, you didn’t bring tribute?” the small bird chirped. “The Pies aren’t going to be happy about this, especially the Missus,” the bird fluttered its wings in annoyance. I felt a shock of fear run through my body. At this point, I was painfully aware that I had forgotten to put deodorant on as well. Sweat dripped down my back.

“Wait, wait! Don’t go!” My voice shook as I called out, trying to stop the miner as it was turning to leave. “I should have something here.” I swung my bag off my back, rummaging through it for something edible.

The bird clicked its small talons on the concrete path. The tall trees that were flanking us, swaying with the wind, some even bending down to try and get a look into my bag. I pulled away from their low hanging branches for privacy. The trees were voyeurs and loved watching the drama unfold in front of them.

“Ok! Hold on” I fruitlessly searched my bag for something, anything.

“You know the rules, Reggie; you want to use our territory; you gotta have tribute.”

“Like I said, I woke up late. I just need to get through here so I can get to work! Please, I need to…” I felt my hand brush against something crumbly. I shoved my head into the old, worn backpack, desperately searching for whatever had crumbled in the bottom of my bag... I pulled out a small piece of crust from a long-forgotten sandwich.

“Oh, bread! I found it, tribute!” I tossed it to the noisy miner, “here!”. The small bird puffed up its grey chest excitedly; it was about as fond of giving bad news as I was receiving it. It hopped over to the bread on the ground, inspecting it, before leaning in to pick it up. An audible crunch made me shudder as it clamped its beak down on the bread.

“STALE? Stale bread? This is your tribute? She’s not gonna be happy,” he warned.

“It’ll be fine, don't worry!” reassuring the small bird.  “Can I pass, please?” I needed this to be over so I could get to work.

The miner eyed me one last time. “Your funeral,” it shrugged before taking off with the bread, flying above the trees.

I could feel the trees' patronizing gaze as they swayed back, discussing with each other. ‘You’re in troooouuuuble’ they whispered through the wind as I rushed off to work.

Luckily, I made it to work on time, though my boss considers ‘on time’ to be late. I barely heard his lecture about tardiness and was starting to worry about my trip home.

As I expected, the shift was a drag. My boss was still unhappy about my being tardy and made sure I knew it. When the shift finally ended, I clocked off and gathered my things. My boss stopped me as I was walking out, asking if I could work late Saturday; he was going golfing with his buddies and needed someone to cover for him. I nodded along, agreeing. Though I had other plans, I knew if I'd said no, he wouldn't give me any shifts at all. When he was distracted by a customer, I slipped out the back through the kitchen. One of the chefs, a friend of mine, stopped me, she handed me some uncooked minced meat, “for your cats” she looked at me with sympathy and smiled. I thanked her, slipping it into my bag, before quickly slipping out before anyone could stop me again.

I decided to go the long way home, avoiding the short cuts and nature paths I usually enjoyed, where one of the Pies might spot me. I followed the main road, crossing the Princess Highway. I felt the weight of fear lift off me with every step closer to my apartment. I turned down a side street, trying to get away from the noise of the busy roads. ‘Almost there, just keep it together,’ I thought to myself.

“KAWW” an ear-splitting call came from above me. I froze.

“Well, well, well, Reggie! You weren't trying to avoid us, were you?” I tentatively peered up to spy a Pied Currawong resting on the powerlines above me. It screeched out another loud call, and I watched in horror as the Magpies arrived, each taking their own place on a perch above me. Some clung to the power lines, making them sag, others stayed further away, perched on rooftops eagerly watching from a distance. The beating of giant wings and a loud thud echoed behind me, the ground shook as something landed. I was almost too afraid to turn around.

“Reggiiiie!” a warm, comforting voice calls out. I slowly turned to face the largest Magpie in all of Monash, standing 7 feet tall, looming over me like a bus. A prized collection of human eyes adorned a necklace around her tree trunk of a neck.

“Hello, Missus,” I mumbled sheepishly, noticing the Noisy Miner perched on a small fence next to her.

“What's this?” she questioned, throwing the small piece of stale bread at my feet.

“Bread?” I squeaked out. Avoiding her piercing avian eyes.

“A little birdy told me…” she pointed with her large wing to the Noisy Miner beside her. “That this was your tribute. Can I ask you something, Reggie?” She paused, staring me down. But before I could respond, she bellowed; “Do I look like a bloody duck???”

“No! Of course not. I woke up late this morning and didn't get a chance to, I mean, I didn’t remember.”

She cut me off, her voice melodic but commanding.

"Oh, you didn’t remember?! I see, you didn't remember the rules. You thought you could just use our territory as you wished? Is that right, Reggie? The disrespect…” she clicked her tongue in annoyance.

I held my hands up, waving them in front of me. “NO! No, I would never forget the deal, Missus; I just woke up late; it was a mistake!”

“You KNOW it’s spring, Reggie, that means I have mouths to feed and babies to take care of, and THIS is what you give me?” She stepped closer, raising herself up to her full height, towering over me.

“Wait wait! I'm sorry I got you this, to make up for it!” I quickly pulled the minced meat out of my bag, unfolding it from the plastic wrap and holding it up for her to inspect. She sniffed the meat and leaned down to inspect my hands.

“What. is. This.” Her face dropped in disgust. Confusion filled my mind. I thought the Pies loved meat; I glanced around, seeing all the corvids perking up, clearly interested in the ground beef in my hands. “Here it’s for you,” I offered, holding it up for her. There was a long pause as she inspected the meat.

“Are you stupid or something?” Her words break the silence like a falling tree. My heart sank. I wished again that I had put deodorant on this morning as my body began to create a liquid layer of fear all over my body.

“Are you trying to kill my children?? This messy meat gets stuck in our beaks, gets infected, and makes our beaks rot off. Do you want my babies to starve to death?”

I stood there stunned, not daring to move.

“No, no, of course not!” I shouted, realizing my mistake too late.

“Pies,” her beady eyes narrowed as she addressed the gang of magpies perched silently around me. “Bring me his eyes.”

"No, no, please! I have my own baby to feed! He’ll starve if I don’t come home” She held her wing up, halting the birds from swooping down on me. They stared at her keenly, waiting for her command.

“Baby? I didn’t know you had children Reggie; how come you never brought him out with you?”

“Uhh, well he is my baby, but he is more uhh… feline than human.”

“Your baby is a cat!? A murderer of our people?!?” she glared at me.

“He’s an inside cat! I swear!” I cowered beneath her “please! can’t you see it in your heart to spare me”

“Reggie, Reggie, Reggie. This does not sit well with me, not at all” she crossed her giant wings in front of her. “But I like you Reggie, you’ve got spunk” she paused for a moment. “I’m a generous bird. Tomorrow you are to come back with premium grade beef, not any of that cheap crap, and maybe I won't add your eyes to my collection… got it?

I began to protest, to tell her I didn't have the money for it, but I knew better than to reject her ‘kindnesses.

“I understand” I proclaimed looking at the ground, secretly my heart was singing. Like most people, I was quite attached to my eyes.

“Let’s go Pies”, in a flurry of feathers the parliament of Magpies left, racing off into the horizon leaving only The Missus, who paused - “Don’t make me regret it.” With one final intimidating glance, she spread her giant wings and followed her flock.

I let out a long sigh of relief before heading back to my apartment, Knowing Purrsival would be waiting for his dinner.